Uncredited Archives - Black Mask

Paperback 549: Passion Panamania / J.X. Williams (Leisure Books 1203)

1967, Bondage, Boobs, Exotic, J.X. Williams, Latin America, Leisure Library, Lesbians, Nudity, Panama, Redheads, slm, Uncredited, Wife-swapping, WWK Comments Off

Aug 162012

Paperback 549: Leisure Books LB1203 (PBO, 1967)

Title: Passion Panamania
Author: J. X. Williams
Cover artist: Uncredited

Yours for: $28

Best things about this cover:

When the women's beach volleyball team says "Closed Practice," they mean "Closed Practice."
I'm a bit worried for that guy. I mean if he were shirtless and she had a whip, that would be one thing, but pantsless, spread-eagle, and she's got a knife? No. All the boobs and butt cheeks in the world aren't going to make this situation erotic.
What is her right hand doing!? Please don't say "anointing the sacrificial lamb."
Winner: Frondiest Cover of 1967.
A Latin Lesbos, eh? So ... and island ... in, let's say, the Caribbean ... Well, there's Jost Van Dyke, but I'm gonna say "too spot-on."

Best things about this back cover:

Yeah, if you're having marital troubles, just go camping. Works like a charm.
Um, question? What is "the PASSION PANAMANIA"? Because, grammatically, it seems to be some kind of miasma or disease or sea god.
"And the swapping and sharing could begin..."—so it's some kind of convention for Beanie Baby collectors? No, wait: "no conventions" ... I'm stumped (which is what the guy on the cover is going to be saying in 3, 2, ...)

Page 123~

They understood each other too well to waste words. Maria said, "We all—all five of us—took part. But only one—not me—did the terrible thing you know about. We others were as surprised and felt as horrible about it as you do—I swear it, _mi amiga_!—but we just stood there as she—Oh, _madre_, it was so awful, the blood..."

Dear god, who is jacking off to this!?!?!

~RP

[Follow Rex Parker on Twitter and Tumblr]

Paperback 548: Superstud / Alan Marshall (Nightstand Books 1847)

1967, Alan Marshall, Boobs, cops, Donald Westlake, Nightstand Books, Nudity, Redheads, Uncredited Comments Off

Aug 142012

Paperback 548: Nightstand Books 1847 (PBO, 1967)

Title: Superstud
Author: Alan Marshall
Cover artist: Someone who can't believe his idea got past house censors

Yours for: $25

Best things about this cover:

Wow. Just try out-sideboobing this cover. You Can't Do It.
"Yes, that's my right tit, complete with nipple. No, you're not dreaming. Pretty good, right?"
The boob is to distract from the hair, which looks great from the brow down, but get up any higher and it's a nightmare of random scalp attachment (and non-attachment). There's a reason they wrote "SUPER-STUD" over the top of that mess.
Maybe if the hair is red, you might try a different color for the font next time. This book looks like it's titled "R-"

Best things about this back cover:

Reading the first two sentences makes me think Brett isn't that studly from the neck up.
Call me old-fashioned, but I like my superstuds to be nailing quivering, creamy-fleshed ladies, not killing cops. What a massive waste of studliness.
Also, "Brett?" As a superstud name? Vetoed.

Page 123~

He reached down and pulled her up. He didn't want to finish this way, not this time. He had better things in mind for the bitch with the fantastic boobs.

Now *that's* a superhero name. Give that bitch a cape!

~RP

[Follow Rex Parker on Twitter and Tumblr]

Paperback 547: Tales of Wells Fargo / Frank Gruber (Bantam 1726)

1958, Bantam, Frank Gruber, Horses, MWG, Neckwear, Trains, Uncredited, Western Comments Off

Jul 312012

Paperback 547: Bantam 1726 (1st ptg, 1958)

Title: Tales of Wells Fargo
Author: Frank Gruber
Cover artist: Uncredited

Yours for: $7

Best things about this cover:

It's so generic that the only thing I can get at all excited about is the adjective "bullion-laden."
I do like the little B&W ticker at the bottom. I just wish it was animated and came w/ olde timey music, like a player piano or something.
Oooh, Dale Robertson. He's .... who is he?
"Tales of Wells Fargo" sounds like the testimonials page at their bank website: "The tellers were super-friendly..."

Best things about this back cover:

Oooh, Dale Robertson. He's ... nope, nothing. Looks like Generic McWhiteGuy.
"Maybe some sweat in their arm-pits" FTW!!!! Now that's vivid! I can almost smell Dale Robertson.
Flint-eyed ... rock-jawed ... smashing their eyes and jaws together to start fires. Truly fearsome.

Page 23~

"Item number 3," the auctioneer went on. "This old suitcase. But who can say what treasure might lie inside? I admit it looks ancient and worn, yet this humble and modest exterior could be deceiving. Ladies and gentlemen, I beg you not to disappoint me with paltry bids that insult not only man's intelligence but his imagination. Bid up this time, bid high. Live recklessly."

Well, someone can say. You could just unzip it and look inside and then ... oh, I'm missing the point? All right then.

~RP

[Follow Rex Parker on Twitter and Tumblr]

Paperback 545: The Marauders / Michael McGann (Jove 10150-8)

1989, 80s, Asians, Buddha, Cheesy, Flags, Jove Books, Michael McGann, MWG, Shirtless man, Sunglasses, Uncredited, WWIII Comments Off

Jul 252012

Paperback 545: Jove 10150-8 (PBO, 1989)

Title: The Marauders
Author: Michael McGann
Cover artist: Uncredited

Yours for: $6

Best things about this cover:

Countdown to a gay porn movie shoot in 5, 4, 3 ...
Russell Crowe, Joe Piscopo, Some Weasel Face, Eric Roberts, Lorenzo Lamas, and ... That Bald Asian Guy are ... The Marauders!
If you think those guns aren't cock substitutes, just check out how bachelor #3 is holding his. He's stroking its balls / presenting it to you on a platter / begging you to admire it.
"We used to have shirts, but our bodies were so hot they just burned away. Now all we wear is this fire-retardant kevlar stuff. Marauders!"
I want one of these patches to sew onto my ... I'm gonna say 'underwear.'
"From the Creators [plural] of The Guardians" ... and yet it's written by Michael McGann [singular]. One shape-shifting, multiple-personalitied, gun- and gay-porn-loving guy.
After a nuclear war, wouldn't these guys be a little ... anti-climactic, actually.

Best things about this back cover:

Nothing.
KGB Chairman, ha ha! Good call, 1989. Way to predict the fyooture.
"There's a first time for everything—especially death" is an unintentionally great line. Pearls of wisdom, compliments of ... The Marauders!

Page 123~

The two men walked out of the car. Jack looked over his shoulder. "Buddha? Can you loan me your rifle for a moment?"

In case you were wondering what they were gonna call That Bald Asian Guy. Now you know.

~RP

[Follow Rex Parker on Twitter and Tumblr]

Paperback 544: Nightfall / David Goodis (Lion Books 131)

1956, Aldo Ray, Anne Bancroft, Chair, David Goodis, Embrace, Fear Hand, Lion Books, Movie Tie-In, Uncredited Comments Off

Jun 282012

Paperback 544: Lion Books 131 (1st thus, 1956)

Title: Nightfall
Author: David Goodis
Cover artist: Uncredited

Yours for: $50

Best things about this cover:

There are really too many things going on on this cover for it to make any kind of visual sense. It's like I"m watching a stage play about some woman who was hurt in a tragic accident and is now, through the love of one strong man, learning to walk ... but then the soul of the dead body represented by the chalk outline on the ground is so disgusted by the false pathos of the scene that he rises up in horror and flees ... and immediately has a heart attack. Nightfall!
David Goodis was good at writing. His books are pretty collectible, and this one, despite some bumps and bruises, is clearly unread. Gorgeous. One of my earliest two-figure (i.e. it cost me more than $10) purchases, and probably the first that made me realize "holy shit, you are really collecting these things now."
I do love the unusual, if creepy, color of this cover, and the bright, nutso font on the title.
Movie tie-in! Collectible subgenre! Hey, is the ghost of the corpse ... is that ... fear hand?! Behind the "A" and the "L"!? Judges say .... ding ding ding!

Best things about this back cover:

Bancroft! So early ...
Aldo Ray sounds like a prog rock band.
"Taut" ... "swift" ... "searing" ... nope, sorry, no "frank."

Page 123~

The type he was dealing with was the most dangerous and clever of them all. On the surface a soft-voiced innocence, an unembroidered sincerity. Beneath the surface a chess player who could do amazing things without board and chessman.

"What are you doing?" "Playing chess in my mind." "Amazing."

~RP

[Follow Rex Parker on Twitter and Tumblr]

Paperback 540: Meet Morocco Jones / Jack Baynes (Crest 1957)

1957, Barye Phillips, Bed, Boobs, Crest, Crime Fiction, Jack Baynes, Morocco Jones, MWG, Syndicate, Uncredited Comments Off

Jun 182012

Paperback 540: Crest 195 (PBO, 1957)

Title: Meet Morocco Jones (in the Case of the Syndicate Hoods)
Author: Jack Baynes
Cover artist: maaaaaybe Barye Phillips (uncredited)

Yours for: $15

Best things about this cover:

Who's the private dick who takes advice from the half-naked lady on his shoulder? "Morocco Jones!" Ya damn right.
"Morocco, I'm hungry" "Shut up, Shoulder Girl. Can't you see I'm stalking syndicate hoods?"
There is so much Fail happening here. Title fail (the putative title is actually just a lead-in/tagline, whereas the actual title is represented as a weak little subtitle). Art fail (where's the rest of my painting, Captain Stingy McWatercolor?!). Hyperbole fail ("The best book that's ever been written or will ever be written!").

Best things about this back cover:

"Helluva" is simply a great "word."
Morocco Jones "takes his place among the heroes of tough-guy fiction." Notice they don't say which place. Kind of backing off from that front-cover braggadocio, aren't you, copywriters?
Is there such a thing as "the edge of lightning?" If so, can it be said to be "sharp?" If the answer to either of these is 'no,' can Morocco Jones' mind be said to really 'exist' at all? (philosophers will come to know this as the "Morocco Jones Dilemma")
"And whose morals ... well, he liked to masturbate in public so ... yeah, the less said the better."

Page 123~

"Who are they, Carson?" Thurm asked gently.
"Skull Kronsky, Duke White, and Solly Cogen."
"Bad, bad boys," Thurm said softly. As bad as some of the Syndicate killers. Lije is not going to like this, Carson."

Jack Baynes, fresh off a correspondence course in "Naming Your Fictional Characters," goes berserk. P.S. I call dibs on the pseudonym 'Skull Kronsky.'

~RP

[Follow Rex Parker on Twitter and Tumblr]

Paperback 534: Lords of Atlantis / Wallace West (Airmont SF3)

1963, Airmont, Mythology, Redhead, SciFi, Spaceship, Uncredited, Wallace West Comments Off

Jun 032012

Paperback 534: Airmont SF3 (1st ptg, 1963)

Title: Lords of Atlantis
Author: Wallace West
Cover artist: Uncredited

Yours for: $10

Best things about this cover:

To judge by this cover, Lords of Atlantis were a short-lived New Wave band who died of ennui.
"The camera's over here guys ... guys? ... aw fuck it, just take the shot."
You can tell the dude with the '60s iPod / '80s cell phone attached to the back of his space helmet wrote all their music and is just biding his time until he can go solo / write the score for "Inception 5: The Receptioning."

Best things about this back cover:

More like "Snores of Atlantis"—this story would be a lot more interesting if Jeannie were in that bottle.

Page 123~

"There's a screen in the Bab El engine room," she exclaimed as she manipulated the visor dials. "I must try to tell Refo that I do forgive him. I'll never sleep again if I don't."

"They say this cat Refo is a bad mother... / SHUT YOUR MOUTH! / I'm talkin' 'bout Refo! / NO SERIOUSLY SHUT YOUR MOUTH THAT GUY'S AN IDIOT!"

~RP

[Follow Rex Parker on Twitter and Tumblr]

Paperback 531: The Better To Eat You and Mischief / Charlotte Armstrong (Ace Double D-521)

1963, Ace Double, Bondage, Charlotte Armstrong, Chicago Tribune, Clowns, Crime Fiction, Jewelry, Neckwear, Peeping Tom, The New Yorker, Uncredited Comments Off

May 232012

Paperback 531: Ace Double D-521 (1st ptg, 1963)

Title: The Better To Eat You / Mischief
Author: Charlotte Armstrong
Cover artist: Uncredited / Uncredited

Yours for: $7

Best things about this cover:

Allow me to pre-apologize for the nightmares you'll be having later.
Don't look at me, lady, because I have *no* fucking idea either.
This is the painting of a man about to take his own life. Or a man who is trying to get fired.
You know what? I don't think she's scared. I think she's kind of turned on. This painting has layers. Many creepy layers.
"Despair" (1963) — Oil and blood and scabs and tears on canvas

Best things about this cover:

This woman is *really* enjoying her bondage fantasy.
"807"is the pictorial equivalent of clownface, i.e. What The Hell?
Look out, Grace Kelly! Raymond Burr can see you!

Page 123~ (of The Better To Eat You)

"You didn't try to make him listen when I wanted you to go to the Village . . ." Malvina smouldered.

"Malvina smouldered" is the new "Jesus wept."

~RP

[Follow Rex Parker on Twitter and Tumblr]

Paperback 526: The Courting of Susie Brown / Erskine Caldwell (Signet S1621)

1960, Chair, Erskine Caldwell, Hairplay, Lingerie, Signet, Uncredited Comments Off

May 092012

Paperback 526: Signet S1621(5th ptg, 1960)

Title: The Courting of Susie Brown
Author: Erskine Caldwell
Cover artist: Uncredited

Yours for: $5

Best things about this cover:

The Delousing of Susie Brown.
Is this it? I have to believe that something far more salacious than this was painted over in thick purple. That would explain how Wrong her elbow looks.
Also, how big is that chair seat? I see the chair, and it appears she is sitting on it, and yet those ... gowns? rags? ... she's sitting on don't appear to have anything to do with the chair. They're just ... hovering.
Maybe the comb in a girl's lap is some kind of sexy visual shorthand I just don't get.

Best things about this back cover:

The Human Comedy ... is a novel by William Saroyan. And a series of novels by Honoré de Balzac. Like those classics, this book ... is also fiction.
Here is mirth and disaster. There be dragons.

Page 123~

Dessie gripped the phone.
"Did you say Waldo has a big roll of money?" she shouted. "Greenbacks tied with a string around the middle?"
"He surely has, Mrs. Murdock. It's the biggest roll of money I've seen on a man since the Democrats took over."
Dessie, who had risen from the chair until she was almost erect, sat down, hard.

Dessie and Mrs. Murdock found that by substituting "roll of money" for "penis," they drew far fewer outraged stares.

~RP

[Follow Rex Parker on Twitter and Tumblr]

Paperback 522: Hope of Heaven / John O’Hara (Avon 258)

1950, Avon Books, Binghamton, Frank, John O'Hara, Lingerie, Molded Plastic Hair, Sideboob, Staircase, Uncredited Comments Off

May 042012

Paperback 522: Avon 258 (1st thus, 1950)

Title: Hope of Heaven
Author: John O'Hara
Cover artist: Uncredited

Yours for: $10

Best things about this cover:

She's stuck somewhere between sexy strip-tease and "I need help with my coat jackass why are you just standing there staring?"
It's a shame she's caught in this awkward in-between state, because if she'd just put the jacket back on and turn around, I bet she'd look stunning. Also, if she just took it off, probably same.
She is lit *beautifully*; gives her a fantastic angelic/demonic quality (the deep red backdrop helps with the "demonic" part).
Dude's hair is shiny.

Best things about this back cover:

I love DON MILLER so much right now. I want to see him in a film noir right now.
I kind of want someone to tell naive me what it means that James Malloy "still wondered whether Karen had dimples on her knees," and then again I kind of like just using my imagination.
"Frankness!" O man, I've missed "frank"—feels like it's been a while.

Page 123~

"I'll give you the address of my agent. If you get in a bad jam, I mean you're badly on the nut or something like that, you write me care of this guy, and I'll let you have some more. On one condition."
"That I never bother Peggy. I know. And thanks for the offer, but I'll never bother you, either. I don't think I will. If I do, don't send me any money. It'll only go for booze. That's what this is going for."
He had half a load on now, but was carrying it well.

Is this DON MILLER? God I love this guy. "It'll only go for booze." Nosce te ipsum, Don Miller!

~RP

[Follow Rex Parker on Twitter and Tumblr]

P.S. Page 120 has this gem, of special relevance to me and my geographical situationality:

"But by that time I didn't give a God damn. I was one of those fellows, give a dog a bad name, and by that time I was living off a whore in Binghamton, New York." [this last phrase is underlined in pen–the only such phrase in the whole book]

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